fruitless conversation

'I just cant sleep' I said

'something on your mind maybe' he asked

'there are a lot of things on my mind… things are always on my mind… only problem is right now, my thoughts are too loud' I answered

'what do you mean 'too loud' he asked confused

I let a breath of air out my nose, a laugh that I couldn’t quite form. as the corner of my lips curved upward. I can try to explain, but darling, you already cannot grasp my words.

broken mind

I think, I think, I think too much. my mind ticking away, through time and through worlds like a Harrison’s clock, losing track as the temperature changes. so many gears so many sizes and shapes take up all the space. leaving nothing to just, forget, to stop thinking. I think, I think, I think too much, for my thoughts question every atom that holds every speck of dust floating through the air, of which I draw into my lungs. every misplaced hair on my head, every tooth in a smile, every truth in my lies, the tears in my eye. something beyond my understanding yet, I do understand that I think, I think, I think too much. with every thought there’s a reason, a reason to smile, to laugh, to to frown, to cry.

the artist

the other day, I met an artist. I walked through the halls of drawings all coming from different hands, with different prints, and different strokes. yet, when I stopped at hers, I knew whos it was before I saw her. she came down the hall, I didn’t even look her in the eye, and I knew. yet, she stopped, she looked me in the eyes. saw me in front of her drawing, she knew, I knew. I asked her what she was, the drawing of course. “she just is.” no more had to be said. I know and understand all too well. at that moment, the drawing, my soul, and hers all became one. I know, she knows, I know there is no color, size, race. we just are.




so tired

im so tired. things will never be perfect in my perfectly screwed up mind. my mind carries more strength than my bones. I fight everyday to make sense of the words that come out your mouth. but I swear, I only have one ear. your speaking to the silent one. the other? all I hear is madness in that one. I suggest you leave your words to my eyes. don’t say a word at all. look into my colorless pools, and ill peer into yours. there we will find our souls, so naked, so clear. but im so tired. the longer my eyes observe the sun, the moon, and all the stars. i will have slept all eternity. if I miss one hour of one second, I will have not slept at all.

the doctor says theres something wrong with my blood, it’s missing something. but it’s not what my blood us missing, it’s what my hearts missing. im so cold. the sun beats on my back yet my fingers and toes are blue. my soul is cold, hard. it’s been taking good care if me. just longing to be free. to be alone. to forgive and forget everything. to be everything and nothing. to be white as snow, and black as night. shine like the sun and glow like the moon. everything is one, and I’m now realizing I’m apart of it.

This sentence has five words. Here are five more words. Five-word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. It’s like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety. Now listen. I vary the sentence length, and I create music. Music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm, a lilt, a harmony. I use short sentences. And I use sentences of medium length. And sometimes, when I am certain the reader is rested, I will engage him with a sentence of considerable length, a sentence that burns with energy and builds with all the impetus of a crescendo, the roll of the drums, the crash of the cymbals—sounds that say listen to this, it is important.

Gary Provost (via tuongexists)

Holy crap, what just happened there… (via cyrusgabriel)

Words, man. Words.

(via bookoisseur)


(via anngiiiee)

whispered questions

today in class, he asked, what rules do you want to break? my heart rate sped up. the rims of my vision went blurry. the answer tickled my closed lips. my lungs burned with the want to say it. hands rose, and the usual was said. rules that have been broken, and broken again fell from their mouths. internally I rolled my eyes, THIS is the rule I want to break. break away from trying to be the same but different. we are all so different but we strive for the same thing. whether it is peace, love, happiness. its something you cannot have unless you become it! I cannot stress enough with the pleading of my tired eyes to… to please leave this be! be calm, patient, and you will have what you desire! please, please, just… stop the madness that lies within looking for something that exist in YOU. these words now tore at my dry cracked lips, and they bled heavily. I licked my lips tasting the sweet copper, and moaned as my lips began to sting. tucking my lips between my teeth I smiled. it was no use, they wouldn’t understand. they would ask why, an explanation. a peak into a thoughts would surely kill them. yet their eyes would whisper a deep understanding. you understand. you know.